Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
