If i come over, it means nothing
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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