WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
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Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
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At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?