This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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