I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
