fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
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I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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