I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
