Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
