I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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