Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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