Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
