I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
