he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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