well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
