I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
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