oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
