There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
