I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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