I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
