Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
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