I'm jealous of your bromance
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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