thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
