so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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