How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
