Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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