I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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