He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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