I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
