So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
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I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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