Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
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Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
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I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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