Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
