All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
