we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
MIDGETS
????
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
