How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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