If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
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lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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