Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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