Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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