then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize