Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
