I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
