At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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