the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
