Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
