Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
