how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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