I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.