went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?