Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??