if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
