I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
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i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
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I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.