I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
