Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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