just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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