There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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