dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
