I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
