I think scott just propositioned me for sex
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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