you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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