Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
