i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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