Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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