some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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