Apparently you make a good broom.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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