im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
