I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My hand turned me down
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
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