literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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