i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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