my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
