It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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