I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
