I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
