there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
