hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
