weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
