Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
