I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
