its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
