Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
